Busy Generic: The Base

This is so embarrassing. Basically, Millie and Eric now both know I don't have dreams or aspirations in like - other than the one about buying an old shitty house and renovating it myself - and they reacted way stronger than I thought anyone would, so I thought I should just start doing something. Every new year I think, "this is it, this is when I change it all and become the person I want to be," and every year stays the same. 2025 was supposed to be the year, with me already moved out, already immigrated, I could do whatever and be whoever I want. And now it's April. And I feel like I'm in the exact same place as I was last April - mentally, at least. Physically I'm across the Irish Sea, and financially I'm feeling a lot worse off, with having to pay "rent" and other shitty adult things.

I feel like all my life I've wanted to do so many different things - make YouTube vidoes, make a video game, make music, draw, write a screenplay, be someone. But it's hard to start something and stick to it - I created and deleted, what, 3 YouTube channels before I was 13; I brainstormed with Millie and made a shitty pre-prototype of the Café Game; I bought a guitar that I couldn't bring with me when I moved; I bought an iPad one generation too old so it's not even fun to draw on - I daydream, I start, but I don't get good as quickly as I want (quicker than is humanly possible), so I give up.

Not anymore. I'm going to actually fucking do something with my life, even if it's being bad at lots of different things, because it's better than wishing I was good and just, what, praying I wake up with the talent one day? So I'm going to make this embarrassing little website, I'm going to document my embarrassing little days and embarrassing little accomplishments, in the hope that one day I can look back and at least say, "Well, I tried!"

Right now, this is going to be a jumble of everything - my programming "progress", talking about things I've seen and things I've done, and a cringe little blog for me to write out my thoughts and feelings and whatnot.

If you're someone I know, please, please leave. I'm planning on nobody but me reading this. I'm gonna be vulnerable in a way I've only half been with Millie, and even then it's gross. I guess if I don't know you and you've somehow gotten here, that's fine, since there's no way for me to know.

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#YOLO